You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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