I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
