So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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