he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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