dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
