She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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