More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
