You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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