If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
