She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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