well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
