This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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