Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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