this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
