and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
