I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
