My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize