He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
