it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
