i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
