he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
