I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
