I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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