woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
