i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
