Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
