I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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