I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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