i just wanna soil my oats bro
im six kinds of drunk right now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
