My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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