i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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