I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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