I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
