just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
