i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
