New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's the barista slut.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
