So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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