Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My bed smells like the plague
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
