the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
