Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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