He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
