Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
