you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
