Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
