i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize