I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
