I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this will be a night to untag.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
