She said her name was "party"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize