dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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