She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
