you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think my fart just growled at me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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