hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
