Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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