My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize