My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
