She said her name was "party"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
