Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
