People in love make me want to vomit
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
