My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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