tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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