Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize