if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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