hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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