I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize