if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
