I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
