new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
