WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
