It's like a parade of train wrecks.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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