my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
